They Never Stray

Speedloader88 · Post by **Speedloader88** » Thu Jan 19, 2017 1:53 pm

I have to hand it to the Pirate Organization. These guys almost never do the unexpected and stray from the script. True to form, in the last decade, the script is to sign a reclamation project which may or may not be an internal option and to make certain a leak gets out about a marquis player signing that never materializes. They fan the flames of optimism while having plausible denial that they generated the hype. This generally takes us through December and January, where we are peppered with headlines of irrelevant signings or nearly so. Then things really begin to heat up as we see the players we thought we were going to sign, begin to sign with the Cubs or the Braves or the Texans. Finally we get to March and the focus is now off of free agents and trades. We get a flurry of non roster invites, some of the names we recognize and most we don't. Then the week before spring training we hear about the pitcher that breaks his arm in the shower in Guatamala or the surgery that really didn't go according to plan which sets us up nicely for the signing of that reclamation project that is usually 34 and will battle for the 4th or 5th spot in the rotation. Week one of spring training kicks off and we get the fat guy player that started eating right and doing himalayan yoga meditation and now looks lean and mean and ready to bat .350 (which usually turns out to be .246). We get a last rumor push that excites the board about the #1 starter we are trading our AAA team for that never materializes. In its place, a single A player gets traded for a player to be named later which all prepares us for the ageing veteran that we sign to back up 3rd base. To their credit, that guy usually makes a nice impact and we only wish we had him on the Pirates 12 years earlier because next season he'll sign with Cleveland.

rucker59@gmail.com · Post by **rucker59@gmail.com** » Thu Jan 19, 2017 3:19 pm

That's exactly how I feel. I think.

Best darn post ever.

dogknot17@yahoo.co · Post by **dogknot17@yahoo.co** » Thu Jan 19, 2017 3:27 pm

Break it down to this year:

Who is the reclamation project they signed? (Hudson, Nova)

Who is the marquee free agent they are pretending to sign?

Who broke their arm (in previous years)?

Who is the fat guy player who will be in shape come spring training?

Who has left the Pirates to sign with Cleveland?

I guess we have some time to answer some of these questions as Spring Training didn't start yet and it isn't March. I am just trying to track the pace of this post.

Speedloader88 · Post by **Speedloader88** » Thu Jan 19, 2017 3:49 pm

Well, honestly, it was a tongue in cheek satire piece that is a caricature of real life and not a statement made to be analytics proof but I'll take a stab of some things that I was thinking about.

1. Reclamation project hasn't yet been signed but it's coming.

2. The fake big time move is Quintana this year, the Price of a couple seasons ago.

3. Lariano in his inaugural season with us I think, supposedly broke his arm in the shower in the offseason while at home in Venezuela or Columbia or wherever he was from. Derek Bell is could also fit in here as an emotional broken arm.

4. This story comes out every year. Neck Lipps Tabata had this story, Aramis Ramirez many years ago, both LaRoche brothers had this story written about it and this year I have already read about how hot Yoga has leaned out and made Josh Bell a better, more flexible first baseman.

5. Sean Rodriguez, Adam Frazier and Matt Joyce are all candidates.

OrlandoMerced · Post by **OrlandoMerced** » Thu Jan 19, 2017 3:53 pm

Are you currently wearing a tinfoil hat or posting from an underground bunker?

I just can't grasp the foundation of these posts where the Pirates are identified as a propaganda institution as opposed to a baseball team.

Bobster21 · Post by **Bobster21** » Thu Jan 19, 2017 3:59 pm

Looks like the Bucs won the Joey Terdoslavich sweepstakes!!!

dogknot17@yahoo.co · Post by **dogknot17@yahoo.co** » Thu Jan 19, 2017 4:48 pm

Do people think Rodriguez and Joyce would have signed with the Pirates for the same amount?

It was reported that Rodriguez was offered a contract, not sure what he was offered. I assumed they would both want to start and that wasn't happening in Pittsburgh. They both went to teams where they can win jobs (Joyce) and start (Rodriguez).

SammyKhalifa · Post by **SammyKhalifa** » Thu Jan 19, 2017 4:50 pm

1A392C2C2D2526282D2C3B7171490 wrote:

2. The fake big time move is Quintana this year, the Price of a couple seasons ago.

Ha, yeah all the one times this has happened and now it's something the management always does.

Speedloader88 · Post by **Speedloader88** » Thu Jan 19, 2017 4:58 pm

Sammy, I'm no analytics master but there are two "One Times" incidences in that statement.

!

rucker59@gmail.com · Post by **rucker59@gmail.com** » Thu Jan 19, 2017 5:12 pm

Sabermetrics is built on nothing compared to the tensile strength of this tread.

Speedianalysis